A Portlandia skit idea

dutchtub

After BikePortland made a story of our plans to import and rent Dutchtubs, which are bike-transportable wood-fired spas, we saw an amazing spike in web traffic. BikePortland's story was shared on FaceBook nearly 5,000 times. This got us to thinking of a Portlandia skit:

Hipster/hippy type (Mike, Carrie in drag) gets iPhone message at work that his wife's water just broke, and to hurry home per the plan. Mike pedals furiously in pouring rain to Clever Cycles, where a pit crew is speedily servicing the birthing tub trailer, using compressor to air up tires as staffer holds clipboard with checklist. Mike signs off, straddles tiny Brompton folding bike pulling trailer with giant tub still inside the shop, blasting out of double doors onto Hawthorne with "Batmobile leaves Bat cave" riff.

Cut to Lucas Brunelle-type footage of slipping through dense bike traffic, running lights, people looking on bored like they see this every day... Ride past a naked bike move in progress. Pedaling up Salmon at ridiculous speeds. Still pouring rain, tub is half full, sloshing at stops.

Cut to mike riding no-hands, texting wife on rainy screen "coming honey! u split wood?" Mike arrives at Mt. Tabor residence, wife (Fred in drag, great with child) is at stump with a splitting maul, wet, muddy and hairy in bikini, knees clenched as contraction hits. Mike pulls tub under disconnected downspout, starts fire, tub fills, labor. Baby floats to top of steamy tub. Cut to hatchet severing umbilical cord on splitting stump. Tears of joy as Mike plops placenta into tub-burner-integrated wok for sacred first meal as chickens perched on tub lip poop into water.

Variation: Mike (Carrie) is stay-at-home dad, while wife (Fred) pedals tub home in labor.

with chickens


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